Reaching out for help and trying again
Nov 03Well I finally did something I’ve been wanting to do but have been too afraid to. I asked for help. I called the LC at the hospital and she told me to come in. So Gracie got fed at 6am and then we held off until 9 when we went to visit. I had attempted to get her to latch the night before and was granted with screaming. It was hard for the first few minutes because she resisted like crazy. Finally we got her on and apparently my production is fine. She is going on vacation but told me she’ll call me next week to check up. I went to Randy’s moms after because he had an appointment in the afternoon as well. We got back at 10:30 and that’s where the hell began. She wanted to latch and would not stop crying until she did. We did this until close to 2pm with me getting quite exhausted from the continous crying after she’d unlatch due to falling asleep. I was getting quite close to throwing in the towel already.
Randy had his appointment and came back. She had fallen asleep in the car on the way and woke up about 20 minutes later. Randy’s mom wanted to hold her and whatnot but she wanted no part of it. She wanted to be on me. Randy’s mom isn’t too happy about the breast feeding as evidenced by the “Can’t you pump so I can take her on Thursday?” 1. It’s too early to pump that much if even possible 2. She needs to avoid bottles. 3. She’s not a borrow-a-baby. Then his dad for some reason is anti breast feeding and keeps telling me to use formula even though I want her on BM. I explained her constipation issues and he’s like well switch formulas. I am, it’s called the body’s formula. I really need to avoid people like that because they’re very discouraging.
We got home with me exhausted beyond belief. After rocking gracie to sleep I managed to get 2 1/2-3 hours of sleep. Now we’re up. I’m nervous because she seems to want to be on constantly and I’m not sure whether it’s a comfort thing or she’s not getting enough. That’s my fear with breast feeding and partially the reason I stopped at the beginning, because she was so fussy due to not eating enough. I know about the wet diapers thing but her fussiness is what gets me. All we can do is keep going and see how things go.
And a picture from about 10 minutes ago. She always eats with her eyes closed
Thanks for support
Oct 23I just need to make a short post. Thank you for so much support on the breast feeding issue. I appreciate the comments, ideas, and suggestions on what I can do. As an FYI, I am still pumping occasionally but supply is slowly decreasing. I’ll continue so she gets a little at least but I’m going not to feel guilty for for my decision. I really needed the support. It’s good to know that there is more positive people than negative surrounding me.
Breast Feeding Vent
Oct 21I need to vent right now. I am SO sick of feeling like a shitty mother for using formula. I never saw it as an issue until the internet and then you get labeled a horrible parent for using formula.
I tried to breast feed. She didn’t latch correctly and it hurt. She wasn’t getting enough food either and was screaming in hunger. Not only that but when she was trying to latch she’d throw her head back and scream. I needed to feed her. I turned to pumping and was able to keep up with her demand for awhile but I can’t do it because to be honest, I’m too damn busy to pump every 2-3 hours. Let me give you some insight.
My husband works 12 1/2 hour shifts 6 days a week. It’s a half hour commute each way. Since I drive him I am in the car for 2 hours of the day. I b asically raise Gracie by myself. I have to feed her, love her, change/diaper her, and tend to her every need 24 hours a day. I also have a dog who requires attention and care. I cook, clean, do dishes and laundry, work on ChaCha, do the budgeting, shopping, and every other thing around the house. It’s my life. I chose to be a stay at home mother but I’m also CHOOSING to enjoy my daughter. I couldn’t do that stressing over breast feeding and I’m still working on getting over that issue which never should’ve been something to be an issue in the first place.
Gracie was doing BM at night and formula during the day but supply dwindled (and pumping is still hard) so she’s on mainly formula and I tried 2 days of only formula to see how her system is handling it. She’s getting backed up. After a day and a half I gave her about 4oz of formula and within 2 hours we had results. I tried a different formula today and the same problem so I again, breast milk 4oz or so, and she had a bowel movement. My supply is dwindling and once it does I’m at a loss of what to do. I need advice from parents who have gone through transitioning. I’m used to her pooping 3-5 times a day on mainly breast milk. Is it normal to not go at all or have a few days in between?
I’m ending this with, if you are going to hold that I’m formula feeding against me then screw off. Delete me from your twitter, facebook, myspacve, blogroll, whatever. I don’t really care and to be honest I want nothing to do with you. I don’t need ‘friends’ or acquaintances like that because you’re a shitty person for judging someone so harshly. Go ahead, call me selfish and a horrible mother but your life isn’t perfect either and there are many things that I could probably criticize about your life as well but it’s none of my business so I don’t. Don’t worry about my life and I won’t focus on yours. If you have a problem with this, let me know so that I can follow through with cutting you and your close minded hyper mom ideas out of my life. I don’t need it.
A diaper rash and doggy dirt
Oct 20Everytime I do the dishes I always get at least some water on my shirt. It never fails. I guess I’m just clumsy. Anyhoo, today I took Gracie to the doctor due to a diaper rash which has been very persistant in not going away. It has improved a bit using Nyastin. I’ve also been given plenty of suggestions on things to try so we’ll go down the list if this doesn’t work. She is 9lbs and 8 ounces now. I can definitely say she’s gaining weight at a healthy rate. She was born 7lb 13oz.
Colby is also doing very well. His stitches came out and he’s got his cast on for another 5 weeks but you’d never even know he had one on. On a horrible note, my dog Shadow which resided at my parent’s house broke his cable and was hit and killed in the road on Saturday night. My dad found him the next morning in a ditch with fiberglass in his neck. I got him at 15, 7 years ago. Poor Shadow, 
I guess Layla was walking around whining because she’s never known life without him.
Otherwise life is pretty much the daily grind. I get up, take care of Gracie and the house, drive Randy to work/pick him up, rinse and repeat. At the moment though I’m getting ready to eat dinner and do ChaCha. Bills still need to get paid although I’d be ready for a nap right about now. What a boring entry. My life is lame.
On the TMI note though, Randy and I were messing around earlier and since I hadn’t leaked b00b juice I figured my supply was dried up due to pumping less frequently. He found out that I still produce quite a bit… and proceeded not to mention it until AFTER the fact. He said the taste is “not exactly my cup of tea”. I’m amused.
Breastfeeding Status and car problems
Oct 04Well I’m finding time to blog thanks to being at my mother’s house for the night but not by choice. Gracie has been doing very well after the initial coming home adjustment. Breast feeding ended up being incredibly stressful, painful, and by Friday morning I was on the verge of snapping. She wasn’t latching correctly and as a result it hurt so bad. When she DID get latched she’d often lose it due to falling asleep and then she wasn’t getting full enough which led to her screaming with no consolation. Friday morning I dropped her off at Randy’s moms with a can of formula and went home. We slept and I felt defeated but I needed to do what was best for my mental status. I picked her up Friday night and we went to my grandma’s where my mom watched her while I bought a breast pump and then we went home to try again. I kept her on formula for the night and pumped. Saturday morning she had her last bottle of formula and I’ve been pumping every 3-4 hours to feed her and it is working out MUCH better. She’s actually sleeping and generally a much happier baby. My goal is to exclusively pump. We’ll see how it works. She got to spend a lot of time with daddy this weekend. He’s doing very well with her.
On the bad news front, on the way from taking my brother somewhere my car decided to buck at a stoplight. I immediately knew it was my transmission so i pulled into the gas station and it’s pissing fluid out. The damn gas station had no fluid but thankfully I had about half a gallon in my trunk. I had to find a water bottle inside to use to squirt it in b/c the transmission fluid resivour is WAY down and the funnel ended up being buried under the spare tire and I wasn’t aware Randy moved it so I assumed we didn’t have one. I put it in and hauled ass the 7 miles to my house to get Randy. He and I bought MORE fluid, packed up Gracie enough to stay a night or two at my mom’s in case we got stranded, and I grabbed a few other necessities and we made the 20 mile trip here. He discovered the part is the tranmission seal which is only $9.99 BUT he has to separate the motor and tranny to fix it which is a VERY long process. So I’m at mom’s b/c I don’t like the idea of being alone w/o a vehicle. My mom’s truck is also broke down so it’s a lovely day I tell you. Randy got his sister to give him a ride to work and Corey is bringing him home. I’m exhausted and thankfully my mom is here to assist a bit but Miss Gracie has been sleeping a LOT since being fed BM through a bottle. It’s one of the best choices I’ve made.
