Reaching out for help and trying again
Nov 03Well I finally did something I’ve been wanting to do but have been too afraid to. I asked for help. I called the LC at the hospital and she told me to come in. So Gracie got fed at 6am and then we held off until 9 when we went to visit. I had attempted to get her to latch the night before and was granted with screaming. It was hard for the first few minutes because she resisted like crazy. Finally we got her on and apparently my production is fine. She is going on vacation but told me she’ll call me next week to check up. I went to Randy’s moms after because he had an appointment in the afternoon as well. We got back at 10:30 and that’s where the hell began. She wanted to latch and would not stop crying until she did. We did this until close to 2pm with me getting quite exhausted from the continous crying after she’d unlatch due to falling asleep. I was getting quite close to throwing in the towel already.
Randy had his appointment and came back. She had fallen asleep in the car on the way and woke up about 20 minutes later. Randy’s mom wanted to hold her and whatnot but she wanted no part of it. She wanted to be on me. Randy’s mom isn’t too happy about the breast feeding as evidenced by the “Can’t you pump so I can take her on Thursday?” 1. It’s too early to pump that much if even possible 2. She needs to avoid bottles. 3. She’s not a borrow-a-baby. Then his dad for some reason is anti breast feeding and keeps telling me to use formula even though I want her on BM. I explained her constipation issues and he’s like well switch formulas. I am, it’s called the body’s formula. I really need to avoid people like that because they’re very discouraging.
We got home with me exhausted beyond belief. After rocking gracie to sleep I managed to get 2 1/2-3 hours of sleep. Now we’re up. I’m nervous because she seems to want to be on constantly and I’m not sure whether it’s a comfort thing or she’s not getting enough. That’s my fear with breast feeding and partially the reason I stopped at the beginning, because she was so fussy due to not eating enough. I know about the wet diapers thing but her fussiness is what gets me. All we can do is keep going and see how things go.
And a picture from about 10 minutes ago. She always eats with her eyes closed
Gracie picture post
Oct 10Time for some new pics of Gracie.
Sleeping with daddy
Feed me mommy
Sleeping on mommy’s chest
Showing off the cloth dipes
Wide baby eyes
I love this little girl so much.
More can be found at my Flickr
So over this. 40 weeks
Sep 20
I look like crap and feel like it too. Today marks 40 weeks and little Miss. Gracie is showing no signs of appearing. She’s still quite high up it feels and there have been no changes in the TMI department. I’ve been having mild cramping but that is nothing new. Tomorrow I have a doc appointment at 1:45 where he’ll do my first cervical check at 40w1d. He hasn’t mentioned anything about inductions which I’m glad b/c I don’t want a doc pressuring me into anything. I’m just hoping that there has been SOME progress.
I’m sick of not being able to lay down without pain. I’m sick of my legs going numb in bed. I’m sick of not being able to sleep for an hour even without being uncomfortable. I’m sick of refusing my husband’s sexual advances because it’s not enjoyable for me but most of all?
I’M SICK OF THE FUCKING TEXT MESSAGES OF PEOPLE ASKING IF I’M IN LABOR YET. I swear I get like 5 a day. It’s SO FUCKING ANNOYING. You will KNOW when I am in labor because I will tell you. Until then, back.the.fuck.off. I’d probably be more patient if I wasn’t getting hassled every single day about it. I’m ready to throw my phone out the window or leave it off but then knowing my luck someone would show up at my door because my phone went to voicemail. Oh the horror. My MIL accused me of being moody earlier. I told her no I’m just fucking cranky outright. There’s no mood swing about it.
Surprisingly, I haven’t taken my rage out on anybody and now I’m going to go work on ChaCha for a bit and then maybe consider attempting a nap. We’ll see.
39 weeks and 1 day. Dum dum dum
Sep 14Well today was *hopefully* my last doctor appointment. Knowing my luck, Gracie is going to make us wait until after the due date though. The appointment went the same as always. I’ve lost 2 lbs and my BP is excellent. If I don’t go into labor before Monday’s appointment then on Monday he’s going to see if I’m dilated at all but he doesn’t want to rush things if my body isn’t ready which I am SO grateful for. I don’t want an induction. I’m also on orders to keep off my feet as much as possible due to the constant pain and swelling in my left foot which is unexplainable. I think I might end up in labor before then or so I’m hoping that these random feelings of twinges in my vagina (TMI yes), back pain, cramps, and the omg I have to pee every 20-30 minutes instead of every hour aren’t just psychological. I’ve definitely noticed it’s a bit tighter to drive with my belly being so rounded out.
Randy’s working overtime tonight which isn’t surprising to me in the least. He likes money. I like the attitude he’s got about working to support myself and Gracie. I see FAR too many relationships built with lazy men mooching off of their women just because they can like Randy’s cousin. She worked until 3 days before her due date. There is NOTHING wrong with women working or both working but her boyfriend should have been working to help instead of lounging around while she supported both of them. It’s ridiculous. Randy and I are on the same page when it comes to me working. He wants me to stay at home with Gracie and he works to support us financially. I help out a bit with ChaCha and I do the majority of the housework. It’s equal to us as a trade off. I just hate seeing girls who do ALL of it such as Randy’s sister, cousin, and a few other people that we know personally. Ah well though. All I can do is live my life and appreciate that I have a good man who is on the same page when it comes to goals and ideals.
With that being said, I’m going to go try to earn the last few dollars on ChaCha before midnight’s monthly payoff cutoff and then organize some more baby clothes/do the dishes. I might decide to put some clothes on as well considering I’m sitting wrapped in a towel right now. There are some perks to being completely alone in the house. ^_^
Baby shower turnout
Sep 14Well today was the baby shower and it went very well. Randy’s mom did the organizing along with his sister Heather. The food was good, family on both sides were there, and it was overall a great time. Both of our families have been so supportive and helpful with everything related to Gracie and I appreciate it more than any of them know I think. I got a ton of clothes, bath items, a bath tub, a bassinet, a boppy pillow, a crib (have to pick up from my aunt), a scrapbook, a dresser from my mom, and a personalized changing table from Randy’s dad that has Gracie’s name carved into it and the wood re-finished. It was my big surprise gift that I wasn’t allowed to know about or see until I got home because Randy and his dad dropped it off for me. I was so surprised and I LOVE it. I apologize for the poor quality pictures but I took them with my phone and am too lazy to get my camera and then upload/resize blah blah. So here is the bassinet and changing table.
I may be forgetting a few gifts since I’m so tired and overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to organize/put away but everything will get put to use. We also got an antennae because Randy and I are too cheap to pay for satellite/cable and I like my locals. (Football anyone?) Right now I’m doing some ChaCha while curled up with Colby trying to earn the last few dollars before the payoff cutoff at midnight tomorrow. We use that for rent and make up the difference with Randy’s income. This month I slacked due to the wedding and overall feeling like poo but I’ve made about 70% which is a lot better than 0 we both agree.
