On my own
May 30I moved out and now Gracie and I live on our own. I like my apartment but it’s a different feel most definitely.
Emotionally I’m up and down but mainly down. I am not handling things very well. At. All.
I’m also feeling incredibly betrayed by the people who said they supported me and would be there for me (His family). They’ve been spending all weekend together with his new g/f when previously Gracie and I would’ve been invited. Now we’re flung to the side.
I want to wash my hands of everyone and anyone associated with that part of my life. I want to leave the past 3 1/2 years and never look back. I don’t have any pictures of him anyone. Everything has been deleted. I threw out everything he sent me from prison last night. A year’s worth of letters, pictures, and memories. It’s all thrown out but in my memory it all stays and every time I look at Gracie and know her father doesn’t care.
He’s literally been 5 minutes away all weekend and hasn’t texted or called or anything because he’s with her. It’s obvious where his priorities lie and it makes me sick.
Situation Status – Check
May 18I realize that I forgot to post an update about the overall situation. Woops. I seem to have been distracted. Randy and I looked at a place on mother’s day and 2 days later we called and found out we got it. I told him it was the best mother’s day present ever. I went and paid the security deposit the next day and we are expecting a call to find out exactly when we can move in. The people currently living in the apartment are planning to close on a house and their date is currently the 23rd. He said as soon as they are out then we are able to move in even before it is the 1st. So that is exciting for us.
It was a rare gem in the paper. It is a 3 bedroom apartment that includes heat in the rent. We’re in the country next to the county park (a mile or two) and we will be 20 miles from his work place. We are currently 34 or so which means we’re cutting down significantly on the gas costs. We also have a large yard which is great. I can tell you once we get in there I don’t intend on moving for quite. The best part of course is that we get to keep Colby. The apartment was originally $525 and security in the same amount but he agreed that if we paid an extra $75 security and $20 a month rent we could keep Colby which is an absolute STEAL. So that has been my latest excitement. This means we’re going to be moving in like 2 weeks at the earliest or 3 weeks at the latest.
What else… Oh my cell phone is on my parent’s plan and since they’re in a rough spot and not going to be able to pay it the phones were shut off this morning. Randy and I decided to finally take him off of pre-paid and we’re switching to Sprint. We both got Samsung Seek phones. He got red and I got blue. We will have them on Thursday since overnight shipping is guaranteed. I’m also selling my EnV Touch since it’s now useless so it is up on Ebay. That should pay for the 2 phones that we’re getting from Sprint.
Randy and I are doing well overall which I’m glad to say. It’s hard to blog because otherwise things are just super hectic around here. It’s tense because of the entire situation and my parents are very cold towards each other so I sometimes feel like I’m on eggshells. Blah. I just keep reminding myself we’ll be out soon and I’m looking forward to it.
It has been determined
May 08Well a short update to my last post. We definitely do have to move and we have until the end of the month. Randy and I have a few possibilities in the air right now but we’re undecided for sure. The location is the biggest thing we’re trying to negotiate on. It’s sticky because we are bound to the county until December 1st. We also are trying to find one that allows pets which cuts out about 75% of possible places. Landlords are incredibly picky about the risk pets pose to their homes.
I’m actually incredibly hopeful and sitting on the optimistic side of all of this mess. Sure we have to move sooner but it’s OK because it will all work out. I’m more worried about the fact that my parents are possibly splitting and neither of them are employed right now. This reminds me more and more that there are people who are far less fortunate that we are and I count my blessings everyday that I do have a roof over my head, a loving husband who has a good job, and my beautiful daughter. Really, what else do we NEED? Short answer: Nothing.
It’s funny how much I’ve changed from how I was so many years ago. I was always the pessimistic one thinking that life sucked and nothing was going to get better rah rah rah. Sit and complain while doing nothing about it and expect things to magically fix themselves. Now those people are the very ones that frustrate me because I know there are ways if you work to find them. Randy is working hard, we are saving just about every penny, and I’m doing side work which helps out a ton as well.
As much as I sometimes feel down, I do love my life and my family.
Long time no blog
May 05Hey everyone. I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last updated. It hasn’t seemed that long to me. I apologize in advance for any nonsense that may come spewing from my mouth because I’m on the path to recovering from the worst sickness I’ve had in YEARS. I honestly don’t remember ever being this sick. Starting on Friday and continuing up until today I have had a headache, at one point a fever of over 101, gone through 4 boxes of tissues due to blowing thick yellow grossness out of my nose, also coughed up thick yellow grossness every 10 minutes, been short of breath, had a sore throat from hell, and fatigued like there is no tomorrow. I spent from about 3am yesterday until 6pm in bed, got up for an hour, then back to bed for another hour. I’m not sure if I’m on the path to recovery or not. I’ll decide in the morning when Randy gets home because if I’m not we’re going to the ER. I tried calling doctors but since I don’t officially have one (I haven’t been to a physician since I was like 19) new patients can’t get in for 2 weeks so its my only option.
My saving grace is that my mom helped out a ton with Gracie this weekend and my MIL came and picked her up yesterday afternoon and kept her for two nights. I miss her terribly but since I can barely drag myself out of bed it’s better if she is with someone who can give her attention like she needs. I’m also trying to ensure she doesn’t catch this evil whatever since it seems a few people in my house have already experienced it to some degree. I’d also like to get over this so I can kiss my husband again. These forehead and cheek kisses just don’t cut it I tell you.
Enough about me how about the adorable child now. Gracie just turned 7 months old a week or so ago. She is very independent and refuses to eat purees anymore so it’s all about feeding herself. She loves bath time and splashing half the water out of her tub. She’s afraid of missing anything so there is no way I can hold her to face me because she’ll turn her body completely around to take in her surroundings. She sits up no problem and has started to sit up from a laying down position. She blabs a lot too. She doesn’t crawl but that’s no surprise to me because she has always hated tummy time. She has no teeth yet either but she’ll get them eventually. I still say she looks more like her daddy every day.
As for things with us in general they’re OK. Randy is quickly approaching his year anniversary at Kraft which means vacation and personal days kick in. We’re looking at places to move to that will allow Colby and still coming up with dead-ends. However, we’re saving at the same time but due to a recent turn of events involving my father and his excessive drinking we may be moving out quite a bit sooner and having to find a way to keep Colby in the process. I’m not sure how that’s going to work but we’ll work with what we’ve got once we know full details. (As it looks he may lose his job which includes the house). Alcohol… ugh. I don’t even want to get into what it can do to a person and their families.
I am now going to force myself to get a few articles typed out that my freelancing individuals have been very patiently waiting on since I’ve been sick. I average about $500/month doing articles for about 3 hours a day which isn’t too bad I don’t think.
