Slow and steady wins the race
Mar 22Things have improved a bit since I sat him down and actually explained to him how depressed I was. He’s made more of an effort to spend time with us and just doing small things which mke a world of difference. I’ve also begun doing free lance writing again. I stopped because it is very dry, dull work but it has potential to equal a lot of money if you do a lot of writing. I have 3 clients and the work is constant so I can make as much as I want but of course I need to balance work, him, and Gracie of course. She’s a full time job herself.
Speaking of her, she’s doing great. She’s quite the character. She still hates getting dressed and throws a hissy fit when she has to, especially shirts. She also likes having diaper on and will not lay on her belly so crawling isn’t even in the picture. She has almost mastered sitting up on her own and of course everything still goes into her mouth. She’s been into grabbing at faces and feeling more as well. We had to stop cloth diapering due to the water here being so full of minerals (think rotten eggs when you run it) so I sold off my stash and we’re back to disposables. I don’t like it as I loved my diapers and they were cute but ultimately it just didn’t work here.
Financially, we’re doing OK and with me doing the side work we’re getting a bit better. We are working at eliminating our highest debts before we move because it will make things a lot easier for a month to month budget. It is SO tempting to just jump ship and get out as soon as possible. However, without going into the numbers here, it may take an additional 2-3 months before we can move. I’d just rather not struggle every month. We’ll be in a better place by being slow and steady.
Sometimes being an adult sucks hardcore. Doing what is easy does not always equate to what is best. And with that, I’m off to do some writing while watching SVU and then hit the bed.
Falling apart
Mar 16I’m not dead. Same as usual. I know I’m depressed though and have no drive or desire to do anything about it.
The one source I feel I can could turn to doesn’t even give me the time of day anymore. I feel SO alone like I’ve fallen into a hole and no one can see to get me out. That hole gets deeper and deeper no matter how loud I yell… and no one hears me or pretends that they don’t.
And I’m falling apart.
I’m beginning to worry
Mar 04Thanks for the support everyone. It means a lot.
P90X has been going very well for me. Today is Day 7 where I can either do X-stretch or rest but I’m leaning towards rest. I slept funny and as a result my neck and shoulder are incredibly sore. Maybe my feelings will change later on in the day. We’ll see. My favorite of the workouts that I’ve done so far is Kenpo. I like the punching and kicking. It went by really fast too and didn’t seem like an hour whatsoever. This is the longest I’ve ever stuck with an exercise routine (sad huh?) so if you’re looking for something to try to get into I highly recommend it. I love the variety that it offers.
Otherwise life is well, life. Randy is working more now than ever (Mandatory 12 hour shifts many days and 7 days a week on some weeks) so money is trickling in to pay bills but at a cost to time together and his health. He doesn’t eat very much at all (I’m probably say less than 1000 cals a day, seriously). When he sleeps he will sleep for 11 hours and still be incredibly tired once he gets up. When he does eat it’s usually something that isn’t very nutritious like frozen pizza and he eats chunky soup at work but that’s full of sodium. I’m going to be getting a multivitamin for him to take but I really wish he’d see a doctor too. Maybe his iron his low or something else but I’ve never seen a person sleep as much as he does. I worry about him. In 8 months he’s lost about 4 inches on his waist and he’s already skinny so he doesn’t need to be losing weight (He’s under 160 now and he’s like 5’10″?)
Gracie is the same as usual. Full of attitude already and very vocal. She’ll often go on these 1/2 hour long blabber sessions. She can’t sit up by herself for very long without toppling over and she won’t lie on her tummy so crawling isn’t quite there either. She’s fond of throwing things of course and her hair is growing a bit more. No teeth have broken through yet Of course everything she holds goes in her mouth. She loves to chew my microphone on my headset when she’s on my lap or grab my cell phone and chew that while listening to music on it as well. She gets lots of attention from everyone, except her dad who sees her a maximum of 10 minutes a day. It’s sad. I worry that she’s not going to know who he is but when she does see him she is always full of smiles and cries when he hands her to me because of the short time period. I think he has a week long lay off coming up next month which will be nice for time together (his job pays unemployment for their layoffs).
I want spring. I miss nice weather and I was over snow the first day it fell.
